


Not Just A Girl

by ithinktoomuch4438



Series: And Then There Wasn't [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Infant Death, Oral Sex, Post Episode: s08e06 Southern Comfort, Sam never met Amelia or hit a dog, mentions of mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 20:57:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3910381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithinktoomuch4438/pseuds/ithinktoomuch4438
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean finds out the truth about why Sam stopped hunting while he was in Purgatory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Just A Girl

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the sequel! Please leave comments and tell me what you think, if you guys like it I might add a third installment. I do not own these characters, all rights to them belong to The CW.

He managed to hold on until Garth left. The things Dean had said, the venom in his voice and eyes, hadn't stopped circling Sam's brain since that afternoon. But Garth wasn't a part of all this, and there was no fucking way Sam was going to break down in front of him, or even Dean for that matter.

They had the motel for one more night. Sam knew Dean wanted to leave right away, had seen him already packing up the bags, but he needed some time alone first. A walk wouldn't do, Dean would get suspicious if he went on a walk right before they left. His only option was the bathroom. 

He waited until Dean went outside to load the car, then went into the small, grimy bathroom and locked the door. He turned the faucet all the way up and sat down on the edge of the tub, stuffing a towel in his mouth and finally letting his guard down. He started to sob immediately, the fading memory of their daughter dying in his arms at the front of his mind. 'You left me to rot for a girl?!', Dean had shouted. Logically, Sam knew Dean didn't even know the truth, that he wasn't even aware that Sam had ever been pregnant. But Dean hadn't even cared enough to ask for the whole story. He'd just assumed that Sam ran off with some random chick as soon as Dean disappeared.

And then there was Benny. A vampire, more of a brother than him? Dean had said some awful things to Sam in the past, but nothing had ever cut as deep as that. Sam loved Dean more than he loved his own life and soul, as he'd proved time and time again. But apparently none of that mattered. Apparently a blood sucker was a better excuse for a brother than he ever was. 

A loud pounding on the bathroom door made Sam jolt. 

“Sammy! Hurry it up!” Dean shouted, and Sam heard his footfalls walking away, probably to wait by the door. Sam forced himself to calm down, taking several deep, slow breaths before he stood and washed his face in the sink. He looked in the mirror and sighed, wishing he had a way to hide his red rimmed eyes and puffy face. He opened the door and stepped out, glancing at the door to see Dean standing there, as predicted. Sam turned away, instead grabbing up the last of his things from the bed while Dean fiddled with his keys. 

“Look, Sammy, I don't even remember what I said, but I didn't really-”

“Just save it, Dean.” Sam said, cutting him off. He didn't want excuses or apologies. It was too late for those. He slung his bag over his shoulder, turning and brushing past his brother to head out to the car. He stiffened when he felt Deans hand land on his chest, stopping him in his tracks. 

“Whoa, were you....” Dean started, eyes scanning over Sam's face. “Shit, Sammy, were you crying?” 

Sam tried to shrug him off and move past him to the door, but Dean just moved to stand in front of him, blocking his path. He huffed and shot a glare at his brother, stepping back from his touch. “Move.” He growled. 

Dean shook his head. “No. Not until you tell me why you were crying.” His brother crossed his arms over his chest and planted his feet. Sam debated forcing him, but then his gaze settled on the shiner forming over Deans left eye. They hadn't come to blows during a fight in years, not since Ruby, and Sam really didn't want to break the record twice in one day. He sighed. 

“Dean, its....” He shook his head. “Its not important. Not anymore.”

“Bullshit.” Dean said, narrowing his eyes. “I can count on two hands the amount of times I've seen you cry in our entire lives, and every single time it was damn fucking important.” 

“Why do you suddenly care so much?” Sam asked, raising his voice. “It's not like you've cared for the past three months, so why now?”

Dean sighed and dropped his head, reaching up and rubbing at his temple. “This is about the girl again, I take it?” He raised his head to meet Sam's gaze. “Well forgive me if I really don't care to hear you blabber on about some hussy you picked up when you should have been looking for me!”

“She wasn't some fucking hussy! She was your daughter!” Sam realized his mistake a second too late. Deans eyes widened and his jaw dropped, arms falling to his sides as he stared in shock at Sam. 

“What did you just say?” He asked. 

Sam's eyes welled with tears, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. “I did look for you, Dean. But about a month after you disappeared, I started getting sick. When I went to the doctor, I found out I was pregnant.” 

Dean blinked, shaking his head. “B-but that's impossible. We always used a condom, always.”

“Not the last time.” Sam whispered. 

Dean seemed to remember then, because the confusion in his eyes morphed into horrified understanding. “Shit. I.....shit.” His hands came up to run through his hair, and he tugged harshly at the roots, trying to work through everything. Finally his eyes refocused on Sam's, more anger and confusion marring their depths. “Well where the hell is it? The baby, I mean? What, did you...did you get rid of it or something?” 

Sam almost growled, hands tightening into fists as he suppressed the urge to punch his brother for the second time that day. “I didn't get a fucking abortion. How could you think I would abort our baby? Especially with you gone?” The tears that had been welling up finally spilled over, leaving streaks down Sam's face, and Deans expression immediately turned regretful. 

“I'm sorry. I....that was a stupid thing to say.” He admitted. “But seriously, what happened?” He asked a moment later.

Sam swallowed thickly, and his voice cracked when he spoke again. “Can we sit down if we're gonna talk about this? I....I can't...”

Dean nodded, not needing an explanation. “Yeah.” He took off his coat and took Sam's bag from him, setting them both by the table and leading his brother over to the beds. Sam sat down on the one nearest the bathroom, and Dean hesitated a moment before sitting across from him on the opposite bed. Sam didn't miss the action, though it did widen the hole in his heart. Dean had hardly touched him in months, and their previous relationship was all but forgotten. They hadn't shared a bed since before purgatory.

“I didn't abort her,” Sam began. “And I didn't give her up. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I was determined to keep her. I quit hunting, rented an apartment, bought clothes and a crib and everything. I knew the risks of a male pregnancy, and I took every precaution I could. I exercised, I ate right, I took all the vitamins, I made every single doctors appointment...I was doing great. We both were.” He took a deep breath, a few more tears falling and staining his jeans. “When I was eight months along, I woke up randomly in the middle of the night. I didn't know what had woken me until I felt the pain.” He gasped. “My water had broken in my sleep. I was having contractions, and I could feel her coming. When the urge to push hit, there wasn't anything I could do.” He sniffled and scrubbed at his face, and he didn't miss the way Deans hands twitched like they wanted to do it for him. “She was alive when she was born. She cried when I held her, and she was so small....” His voice caught on a sob and Deans hand flew out to rest on his knee, thumb stroking soothingly. “Her lungs weren't strong enough. I did everything I could, but she died before the ambulance even got there.” Sam brought his gaze up, and when he met Deans eyes there were tears streaking down his face. “She looked like you.” He managed, then burst into heavy sobs. 

Dean was up in a second, on his knees before Sam and pulling his brother into a crushing hug. “Jesus, Sammy, why didn't you tell me?” He asked. His voice was thick and watery, and Sam could feel Deans own tears soaking through his shirt. 

“I would have, but you were so sure it was some chick that I left you for, you didn't even want to hear the real story.” Sam cried harder, clinging to Dean for dear life. “It wasn't just some chick, Dean. It was our daughter. I had to stop, I couldn't keep hunting with her, it wasn't fair, and if I died she'd have been all alone. I had no choice, I....”

“Shhh, Sammy, shhh, breathe for me, okay?” Dean soothed. “I know. I understand now. I'm glad you stopped. I'm glad you did everything you could for our little girl, and I'm so unbelievably sorry you had to go through that alone.” He pulled away to meet Sam's eyes, cupping his face in his hands. “Sammy, I'm so sorry.”

Sam shook his head, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I'm sorry, too.” He choked out. “I should have told you. Y-you had a right to know. God, I shouldn't have kept that from you. I'm a terrible brother, a terrible person-”

“No.” Dean said firmly. “You're not. You're an amazing person, and you're the best brother and lover and partner that I could ever ask for.” He swallowed thickly. “I know I said some horrible things to you, about Benny, but Sammy, it wasn't true.” He insisted. “It was the spector talking, I swear. No one could ever replace you, no matter what. I love you, Sammy. You're it for me.” 

Sam barely choked back another sob, and then he was on Dean, kissing him deep and long and hard, clinging to him like his life depended on it. Dean responded in kind, tightening his hands in Sam's hair and licking into his brothers mouth. 

“Need you, Dean. Please.” Sam begged. “Needed you for months. Missed you.”

“Missed you too, Sammy.” Dean promised, then pulled away, looking into Sam's eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this now?” He asked. “Believe me, I want to, but I don't want to hurt you or push you into anything.”

Sam almost laughed, and nodded his head instead. “I'm sure. I need to touch you, Dean. I need to-” He stopped, voice cracking. “I need to feel close to you again.” 

Dean nodded in understanding, and brought their lips together in another kiss. He kept this one slow, however, taking his time and making sure Sam felt every second of it. “Gonna make love to you.” He promised. “Gonna take care of you.” He grabbed onto Sam's elbows and brought them both to their feet, making quick work of Sam's shirts before nudging his brother back onto the bed. “Lay down.” He commanded, stripping off his own shirts. 

Sam did as he was told, laying back on the bed and watching with heated eyes as Dean shed his pants and boxers. His brother turned away for a moment, going to Sam's duffle and grabbing lube and a condom. He set them on the bedside table and met Sam's gaze, and Sam nodded in agreement. Maybe someday they'd try again, but not now. Now, they needed to mourn. They needed to heal. 

Dean climbed onto the bed, crawling over Sam and kissing him deeply. He trailed more gentle kisses down his neck and chest, traveling over his torso before stopping at the waistband of his jeans. He unbuttoned them with his teeth, something he hadn't done in years, and Sam's pupils flared. Less than a minute later his jeans and boxers were gone, and Deans mouth was on his cock, mouthing along the base and licking up the vein on the underside. Sam gasped, eyes fluttering to half mast as he watched Dean, and his hands squeezed encouragingly at his brothers shoulders. Dean groaned at the squeeze and sucked Sam's length into his mouth, taking him almost all the way to the base before gagging and pulling back up. He sucked him gently, letting his tongue flutter against the nerve under the head while his hand jacked what he couldn't take, and Sam was crying out his release in less than a minute. Dean swallowed it all, licking Sam clean and placing a gentle kiss at his hipbone before reaching for the lube. 

“You ready for this?” He asked, and Sam nodded, spreading his legs wider and canting his hips up. Dean didn't ask again, simply slicked his fingers up and pressed one into Sam's tight entrance, forcing a strangled moan from his brother. He stretched Sam thoroughly, using three fingers to scissor his brother wide and then massaging his prostate until he was hard again. Finally they both deemed Sam ready, and Dean slid the condom and some more lube over his cock before pushing into Sam slowly, both men groaning at the long overdue sensation. 

It didn't last long. Neither one of them expected it to. Dean panted over Sam as he thrust in and out of him, moaning out apologizes and promises and words of love until he finally tensed up, moaning into his brothers neck as he came into the condom. He managed to wriggle a hand between them and jack Sam off, and Sam came a moment later with a harsh cry of Deans name. 

Afterward, when the condom had been tossed away and a wash cloth had been wet and used to wipe them both clean, Sam and Dean lay curled up next to each other, sleeping better than either of them had in over a year. Things hadn't been fixed; there were still pains they each had caused the other that needed to be discussed, and their relationship would need time to fully heal. But they were in this together now. They would be okay.


End file.
